b o o

i've not update my blog for more than a week.

i'll update later. xD

a special tribute to ong yi lyn

ONG YI LYN,
u rock !!
hehe..thanx for putting up the box thing for me..
haha
but..
let the heroes speak up will always be better than yilyn rawkz !
hahaha luv ya lots babE ! :)

yay !

shit..im starting college tomorrow...:(

i dont feel like blogging today

i really dont feel like blogging today.
im just posting this up just so you know that im still alive.
therefore,
excuse the ugly and huge black font.
i cant think of anything else to say
other than,
i am freaking tired..
and..
fuck college..
i dont feel like going anymore..
and i havent even started it..

sorry..feeling really really grumpy today.
bye.

do you love me ? :)



omg..look !! its my blog's first ever uploaded pic ! :) :)

hehehe..
if you all love me..
can you please hack my blog ?
i'll give you the password ! :)
but then along the way..
can you pleaseeeeeeeeeee be a kind soul..
and insert a freaking chatbox for me !!!!!!!! ><
i feel pressured by jian's comment..
haha..
i know im dumb..
dont rub it in..
bleh..
love you ppl ! :)
just joking..

p/s: shit..i think im starting to type like june..pressing enter instead of space for every sentence..sorry june !


screw the world.
life sux.
i fell down the stairs yesterday.
and my parents didnt know.
college is gonna start soon.
and im starting to feel the pressure. ><
i accidentally cut the sole of my foot.
and i have no idea how did that happened.
cuts keep appearing out of a sudden.
i keep getting papercuts.
i dont understand how i can fall when im crossing the road.
landing on my ass in the middle of the road with a vehicle coming.
i think someones trying to kill me. lol
blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
byebye.

Friday the 13th

its friday the 13th today..
no wait..
it was yesterday..
haha
anyway..
i got it !!! :)
got what ?
not telling ! :b
dang..
gonna start studying on the 23rd..
gonna miss collecting dust.. :(

ANYWAY,
i just found out i bombed my hp bill..
my parents doesnt know bout it yet..
so, to all you non 012 users..
im not gonna reply your msg anymore..
at least not this month..
i can forsee the future where my mum will pass me the hp bill..
and..
im will be taking out cash from my SECRET HIDING PLACE to pay for the bill..
:(

aint a really nice day today..
got up got down la..=/
got a msg from someone.. [ the one and only down part..i guess...>< ]
thats all im saying..hehe
nites !

public apology


im sorry if i offended anyone in my previous entries.
as far as i noticed..no names was mention other than sashi's.
hahaha sashi im promoting you ! :)
but too bad, you are officially not available anymore. :)

emoness is surrounding me [ entry 04 final entry hopefully ]

11:20 AM 4/12/2007

bumped into him again on spm results night at kayu with sashi..
acted cool..tried not to look at him..
weeks later, he sent me a msg...
cant exactly explain how i felt that time..
i think i was.....happy ? ><

so yea..i replied him..
and things went well...
talked more often..
got closer...
went out last week...
started well..
ended well...
but the effects of it was definitely not well...
he told me he got back together with his gf DURING CNY...
and they broke up again early march...
it hit me.. during cny ??
thats when he told me he didnt want the damn deal..
so thats why he didnt want it anymore...
cuz his ex gf came back...
so what the hell am i to him ?
some temp gf while waitin for his ex gf to come back to him again...?!
it was seriously wtf but i acted cool the whole night...
the dumb thing was i sent him a msg the next morning scolding him bout it...
the moment i sent it was the moment i regretted sending it...
obviously he didnt reply the msg...
i felt awfully guilty..
asked someone for his opinion..
that someone said, if i had acted cool for the night..
i should have acted cool all the way...
but he could have at least be a lil more sensitive to notice that what he said wasnt easy on the ears...
damn...i still feel as if its all my fault...
so duh i kept apologising to him...
finally we made up on monday...
so i thought...
no more sleepless nights and im happie again...
everyone could notice that i was happier..
even my mum asked me why i was so happie that day..
but that effing happiness didnt even last for a day...
he told me he had to work and asked me to msg him after 10...
considering that my phone battery was low already..
i charged it and left it upstairs thinking that i will come back up after 10 and msg him..
went to get my phone at 10.40 plus plus..
and saw a msg from him..
sent at 8.16pm...
told me his meeting was over...but his ex gf asked him to go out with her...
fuck
so i msged and asked if he's out with her now...
no reply...
msged again...
still no reply...
i stoned...
just stoned for a while then it started to hit me...
he's going back to his ex...
he's leaving me again...
tears started to flow..
called up a buddy..
and thank god she was there for me..
it still breaks my heart when i think of it now...
i was wishing for a call or at least a msg from him..
telling me anything..anything at all..
but nope..
phone was bloody unusually silent for the whole night..
and the whole of next day...
was too angry to msg him like i usually do...
after all..i was thinkin..he has his ex gf with him again..
why on earth would he even bother to reply me..
a msg from him came that night...
so i asked him if he went out with her that night..
at least he was honest with me..
he said ya..they just went for a drink...
how am i supppose to trust him when he didnt even bother to reply my msges...
he told me he didnt receive them...effed up maxis..
i replied him with an okay...
wanting to continue with 'i miss u' in the next msg..
but i wasnt fast enough...
before i could send it..
he told me nvmla...he had enough d...bye...
wtf.. had enough of what ?!
there he goes again..
leaving me clueless here thinking of what the hell did i do wrong...
maybe my 'okay' sounded angry / upset / cold ?
so fine..i said sorry..n tried to pujuk him n all...
no reply from him..
i tried to call several times..
didnt pick up..
so i sent a really long msg..
called another time...
no reply..didnt picked up..
i got angry..then i off my phone and went to bed..
tried msging him again the next day...
still no reply...
by evening..i gave up trying...
one week ago, we were making out in the car..
the next week, we're not even talkng to each other..
all his ex needs to do was to ask him out for a drink to break us up and get him back...

but..
i really dont get it..
why is he so angry ??
we just made up on monday..
and because of his ex..
he's angry of me again the next day ???
if he is back together with his ex gf..
can he at least have the decency to tell me that ?
the best he could do is just reply one of my damn msges and tell me that its over...
but he didnt even do that...
he just have to leave me hanging here not knowing if there's still hope or is it officially over...
giving me sleepless nights and endless supply of eye washing..
makes me wonder..
how long am i gonna take this time to get over him...
why must he always show up everytime i was so close to getting over him...
why must he always show up..make me fall for him again and then leave me for his ex..
hey you..
you know who you are..
as much as i love you..
i still have to tell you..
if you are reading this..
please..let me beg you if i have to...
if you wanna leave, then leave...
dont tell me anything..
i dont wanna know anything..
just dont come back..
play me like a fool..
and break my fucked up heart again.. :(


p/s: made up = berbaik / on good terms again / okay again.. NOT HAVE SEX .><

emoness is surrounding me [ entry 03 ]

10:19 PM 8/11/2006

its been months since it ended...
and there was a short period when i really thought i was over him..
i really thought i was in love again with someone new...
but i was wrong..
i was so wrong...
i still think bout him subconciously...

7:00 PM 10/13/2006

its been more than a year since we bumped into each other..
its been more than a year since i fell in love with him..
its been almost a year since we officially broke up..
sometimes it really makes me wonder if i was a fool or something like that..
for still thinking of him as if we just broke up yesterday..
some ppl went, " for goodness sake ! he cheated on you !! y r u so dumb ?!! "
some ppl said it was dumb..
some ppl said it was stupid..
but i say i love him too much..
its not like i dun wanna get over this asshole and move on with my life..
he obviously had move on..

4:34 PM 12/10/2006

he said he loved me..
he said i was the one..
i was helpless in resisting his love..
his love made me crazy..
but he ended it..
and left with someone else..
while i stand here crying,all by myself.
someone told me she saw him the other day..
at first i was delighted..
she continued, " holding someone's hand.."
then i was crushed..
deeply crushed..
i should be over this guy a long time ago..
never knew that a minor news bout him..
can send me crashing down d drain..
i dunno whether should i feel happie for him..
or should i feel like burning his house down..

12:51 AM 2/23/2007

i got news that he ended his relationship with his girlfriend a few weeks ago...
i went to check out and it turned out to be true..
so i thought its bout time i should try and forget bout the past and perhaps we could still be friends...
i sent him a msg asking how have he been..
and that is possibly one hell of a huge ass rare mistake i made in my life...
at first i thought it was not a bad move as we could talk like friends again...
then he asked me to be his gf again...
i did not accept him...
but i did not reject him as well...
i just told him that i really didnt wanna get into another relationship just like that...
considering how our last one ended...
but he assured me that he'll change...
and he'll prove it...
so okay...
everything went well after that...
he was really sweet and caring and all...
just like how he used to be...
we smsed each other everyday and all...
but i still could not trust him...
so i took a huge risk and offered him a deal...
i told him that if we still can be so close till my birthday then we would get together...
at first he agreed so easily and said no big deal...
obviously i wasnt convinced and i asked him if he was sure...
his reply definitely showed that he was unhappy...
after that he stopped replying me...
the next day, he text me and told me that he didnt want the deal anymore...
i cant deny that i was sad but at least i proved myself wrong that he's for real this time...
who knows which gal he hooked up with now...
but one thing i know is that...
im a fool who got fooled over and over again by the same person...
so much for my chinese new year celebration...><

emoness is surrounding me [ entry 02 ]

8:55 PM 5/26/2006

things have changed...
it's been almost two months since it officially ended...
and we've changed from lovers to strangers just like that...
it just feels so awkward talking to him...
his replies were merely four words to everything i say...
okie...
swt...
lol...
wat?
yea?
wtf...
those are words that he uses most frequent...
how am i suppose to continue the conversation with replies like that?
it always feels as if I'm annoying him...
maybe i am...
so...i tried my best...
my very best to not talk to him online or send him a msg...
it was not easy...
to look at his name on my msn messenger...
and try my best not to talk to him...
to look at his name on my phone...
and try my best to not call or msg him...
to check my phone every few minutes...
hoping that there will be a msg from him telling me that he misses me...
every time my phone rings...
i deeply hope that it will be his name flashing on the screen...

he stopped by online one day...
and told me we don't talk anymore...
in fact we do not have anything to talk about anymore...
so there's no point for him to stay in my msn list...
in a way...he doesn't wanna talk to me anymore...
i wanted to say something...
but i didn't know what to say...
so i had no choice...
but to just act cool and said bye...
days later...
it seems as if he did something really wrong that pissed me off badly......
maybe its because i still cant get over the fact that he cheated on me...
though i don't know if its true or not yet...
but it seems to be true...
and i thought he was a loyal man...
maybe he is loyal..
just not to me..
i should have known earlier bout guys like him...
actually i knew...
i just didn't wanna believe it...
i thought he was different...
but he's no different from the rest...

that feeling...
its so weird...
its like...
i just wanna be happy for him bout his new found love...
but i cant help getting pissed off every time i see or hear anything to do with the both of them...
am i jealous ?
i don't know...
i really don't...
but now...even looking at his name pisses me off...
he told me he misses me a few weeks ago...
then a few weeks later...
there he is...
hugging another gal right in front of me...
it was like i was stabbed with a knife...
or something even worse...
damn...
it was painful...
awfully painful...
awfully heartbreaking...
just plain awfully everything...

emoness is surrounding me [ entry 01 ]

WARNING: this post is gonna be PWEEEEETY long..so its not for the weak hearted. Parental guidance is NOT adviced. :)

3:49 PM 5/7/2006
i miss him...

i wonder how is he doing now...
is he with that gal ?
even if he isn't...
it doesn't matter...
i shouldn't be in love with him anymore...
but...
feelings cant be controlled...
i can deny it...
but deep down inside...
i know that I'm still madly in love with him..
I'm still pissed with the fact that he played me...
but it might not be true after all...
i really don't know what to do...
i really don't wanna think about it...
but i cant...
it just kept flashing through my brain...
maybe his appearance in that nine months of my life wasn't a blessing but a curse after all...
he was the first guy who held my hands...
he was the first guy to hugged me so tightly...
he was the first guy who kissed my lips...
he was the first guy's house i went to alone...
he was the first guy who brought me to the park for a walk in the middle of the night...
he was the first guy who manages to make my heart beats thrice as fast...
he was the first guy that never fails to make me feel excited and shy at the same time when i see his face...
when he's around..all i see is him and everything around him just seem to disappear...
but i never had enough courage to walk up to him n give him a hug or something every time i see him when we were still an item...
he never kissed me on the cheek before...
he never brought me to the movies...
he never bought me flowers or presents...
he never seem to think about me...
he never kept his promises...
he used to call just to say i love you...
he used to call just to say goodnight...
he used to sms for nothing...
he used to say all those sweet things that was nice to hear...
but...
nothing last forever...
he didn't remember my birthday...
he fought with me on my birthday...
he told me to forget him on my birthday...
he started to ignore me when he's angry...
he started to only talk to me when he wants to...
my life revolved around him...
but his life didn't revolved around me...
but who am i to blame him...
we got together before we even know each other well enough...
we couldn't meet each other everyday...
i had my own circle of friends...
he had his own circles of friends...
i talked to guys often...
he talked to girls often...
it made me jealous to know that he's close to girls...
it made him pissed to know that I'm close to guys...
dates are very important to me...
but it meant nothing to him...
we are like the total opposite of each other...
but it was love that kept us together...

but its all over now...

no matter how much tears I've cried...
its still over between us...
we should stop getting back together again and again and again...
we shouldn't have even got together in the first place...
but i wanted to be loved...
and he wanted someone to love...
and it just felt so right with him that time...
the happiness didn't last long anyway...
every single fight we had drifted us further and further apart...
but i hung on in hopes that it'll be different every time we got back together...
but...
it was even worse than before...

finally...

it is officially over...
the truth hurts...
but its best for the both of us...
he's in love all over again now...
with someone new...
while i am here...
still mourning over this broken heart of mine...
i really want to tell him that i still love him...
but looking at him so happy with his life now...
it'll just feel so sinful if i ever do so...
the hardest thing to do is to pretend that i don't love him anymore and talk to him as if he's just a friend...
the fact is...
he is just a friend...
a friend that i love more than anything else...

bleh

i miss you..
its starting to hit me that you are gone..
i think i really miss you now..
:(

i really dont care about what you think :)

hey everybody. if there is a somebody..oh well. :) i shall lonely-ly announce the opening of my umm...blog. *clapclapclap alone* thank you, thank you. i would like to thank my mum and dad for taking time out to produce me. just because of a worm and an egg, this blog still became a reality. i would also like to extend my gratitude to my sister; my brother; my late fish; my present fish who's a damn good stoner; my late green coloured tortoise; my present green coloured tortoise; my future son, cyril..[i hope you will have a dad] as well as my future goldfish/dog, vanilla. it has actually taken me at least 3 years and a lot of months to make this blog. i really didn't know its so damn bloody hell mafan to make a blog. but due to my overspilling perseverance and everything else, this hot blog in my dream became a cool blog in reality. * feels a sense of success*

before this, there were a lot of times when i WAS REALLY DETERMINED to start a blog..but it proves to be a true challenge as i gave up on the first step..the very first step..a lot of times..DO YOU KNOW WHATS THE FIRST STEP OF STARTING A BLOG?? if you don't, you can just go jump down the building now. so like every blogger usually vow, i shall vow that i will TRY to keep my blog updated. :) okay okay..time to introduce myself now.

hello hello. my name is umm...Fung Wai Cheen. its pronounced as WHY CHIN btw. but my parents wanted to make me cooler so they gave me a double E. i feel so much cooler now. ooosh ! :b i will be turning 17 on the 5th of september 2007. if u need a list of the things i want for my birthday / before i die, do not hesitate to ask me for it. i will happily give it to you..even if you want me to photocopy 50990 of it so u can tell the whole world what i want for my birthday and get together and buy all of em for me. you might meet new friends/girlfriends/boyfriends/husband/wife. its ain't too much of a bad deal I'm telling you. my WANTs list might be your stairway to happiness. even though its just a piece of paper, but please do not underestimate papers. they come from trees. and they can talk in lord of the rings. so yea wtv. bye