am currently going through one of those emo moods where i don't feel like replying, talking, listening, or looking at anyone. apologies to those whom i did not reply on msn. now i'm doing things that does not require me to interact with anyone directly. i have no idea why am i feeling like this. its not that it feels nice. my heart or something inside me feels darn heavy right now.

and its not because of my period cause i've already had my time of the month for the month of december. a lil personal but wth. i will get annoyed as soon as someone opens their mouth to speak to me, regardless of who. i virtually hung up the phone on my sis. and i told both my mum and sis that they're troublesome in a damn annoyed manner. i know its my mum and my older sis. i know its rude and yet i did it. as much as i hate to admit it, i think i am quite a spoilt brat at times. trying to avoid myself from speaking to my dad right now as i do not want to create any bullshit for myself. i noticed that i have been ranting like theres no tomorrow lately. i'm so bitter.
i can't seem to find the word to explain this feeling.

i know..

this feels like shit.


the only reason he got a post all by himself is because the next post is kinda bitter.

goshhh..those days when you still cant smile.. =b

happy belated birthday chan jian hao !
jiann, you're 18 already !
being older doesn't mean you can simply go do stuff already okayy..
jaga diri baik baik..
jangan main sini main sana..
terutamanya bila kat melb..=/
sorry i did not go to your suprise party.
i know you had fun though.
something out of your tradition heh ? =)
can't wait for january to comeeeeeeeeeee ! =b
you better BETTER remember ! *evil grins*

im always at least a day late when it comes to posting these birthday wishes.
that's why it's always happy belated birthday. -_-
not that it matters anyway.
its the thought that counts.


haji is tomorrow
christmas is in 6 days time
2008 is in 12 days time
which means
december is coming to an end
which means
year 2007 is coming to an end

this leaves me pondering..
what have i done this whole year?

hopefully next blog post : -insert number- of things that i've done in the year 2007

feverism is in me now
i feel hot


" don't find love
let love find you.
that's why it's called falling in love,
because you don't force yourself to fall,
you just fall. "

hao xiang wen ni dui wo hai you mei you tung si.
I'm not chinese educated
so ignore all the wrong spellings la
as long as its understandable.
i have a lot of questions to ask you.
but the first question will determine the outcome of all the other questions.
maybe its time to turn to wikipedia to answer all my life questions.

happie belated birthday carynn !
goshh..i don't have a picture of/with you
its okayyy
i shall patiently wait for you to send the pics
i wonder if it'll ever get to me.
this one year best friends four years enemies and now friends again weird friendship of ours.
but oh well..
at least it's something we can look back and have a laugh about =p
happiebirthday woman :)

finals is more or less over.
why do i still feel so stressed up?


oh yeaa..just to flaunt a small bit of chingy's skills :

she drew that 10minutes..or less?
on the back of my business comm notes.
it was during the mont kiara thing
all you need to do is give her a pen and paper
and she'll probably not pay much attention to you anymore
till she finishes her graffiti or till she gets bored of it.

fool's garden - comedy song

my kind of thing.

ho ho ho

kinda felt obligated to blog after seeing mei peng's comment
im trying to find an excuse from my field production assignment due TOMORROW anyway
so yea
expect a lot of bullshit here
had my journalism paper today
and not suprisingly..
we were the last three again..*shy*
seriously makes me wonder how some people write so fast laaaaaa
for this paper...
its either i did okay or i screwed the whole paper up
not sure if the stuff were applied appropriately..=/
but to look at the bright side,
no more papers till jan ! =)

finished bullshitting with karisha the bitch already..

she's gonna read my i better put a pic of her here.sekali she complain not enough love. -__-

overnight plans almost done =D

i kept making plans and now i realised that some plans are overlapping and i forgot that i still have class after exams and i still have to work after exams..



she left me to go watch house

i shall go watch house now too

no wait..
i shall go ANALYSE house now too
damn assignment
*runs off*

okay okayy..LAST ONEE..

i forgot something...
it's my sister's birthday today..
happie birthday yo !

one of the few rare pics that i have with you in it.

oh oh oh...and happie belated birthday su mei !

your birthday..last year ? haha


bye :)


wtf is wrong with me ?!!?!?
4 posts in one damn day !
screwed laa
i really need to stop fooling around..
bye !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ooo laa laaaaa

read ky's blog
suddenly teringat balik about our dinner after penjelasan hutang at wong kok
which left one puking and the other one having a really long call with nature.
we had a really meaningful talk..
those that really goes deep down into your heart..
but no..its nothing about boys..
so yea..its THAT meaningful and THAT deep down..

d mont kiara event was okay actually..
a lil quiet..
all the bintangs were mostly so the handsome.
too bad d parkinsons disease didn't do his moves that night..
another bintang did the move.
not as breath taking.. =/
*shakes head*
one thing about plaza mont kiara
the outside of the toilet stinks more than the inside of the toilet.
smelt as if some dead cats and rats are rotting or something.
[maybe a LIL exagerrated..]
but kinda smelt something like that.

to that boy

to the boy i met in september and fell for in october,

where's the birthday present i forced you to promised me?
where's the movie watching that you promised me?
where's the yumcha session you promised me?
where's the sit-in-the-car-and-talk session you promised me?
where's the i'll-never-say-goodbye-because-i-care you promised me?
i miss you.
weirdly enough, i couldn't stop thinking of you last night when i was suppose to be studying..
NEARLY sent you a message..
but oh well..
tried to find a substitute..
found one BUT HE WAS TOO BUSY TO LAYAN ME CAUSE HE WAS AT HIS FRIEND'S HOUSE.. yeaa..i hope you're doing well..
i hope we'll still see each other even after you move away.
you're still here and its not like we're seeing each other anyway..
so for all we know, it might not even make a difference.
i do hope that there will be a last meet up before you move though.
just like you promised.
before the end of this month..
as much as i want this month to end..
i don't want it to either..
cause it'll mean that you are that much further away..
i know he don't read this blog..that's why im so tidak apa about this.
at least i don't think he reads this blog.
for all i care,
maybe he doesn't even know this blog exist.
its funny how much more i love blogging when i'm having my finals.
another excuse to not study perhaps ?

2 more papers , 2 more assignments

and so i had my business comm paper todayy..
all of us went in late..
so it ended late
some of them finished the paper damn fast..
like in...30 minutes ?!
whoaaaaa...i was only half way through my first question man that time
but oh well..
why rush when there's still time..
somehow was not surprised that mich, jue, ky and i were the last ones left in the room..
mich left quite some time before us
while the 3 of us stayed till....
the time was up..
i am this bored.

june is back :)
can't wait to see you woman.
kita pergi minum !
i know this is damn random
but then

"if you can't accept me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

..i love this quote.

holidays !!! no where to be seen...=/

saturday, 8th December 2007 - penjelasan hutang at plaza mont kiara

sunday, 9th December 2007 - study ass off

monday, 10th December 2007 - Business Comm paper

tuesday, 11th December 2007 - hols ! , work training ? do assignment and study ass off

wednesday, 12th December 2007 - Journalism paper

thursday, 13th December 2007 - Field Production individual assignment due date..[ faggot... ]

friday, 14th December 2007 - chingy's class christmas play

saturday, 15th December 2007 - christmas open house

31st December 2007 ?? - Field Production group assignment due date

4h January 2008 - Pengajian Malaysia paper

where's my college holidays ?!?!?!?! -__________________________-
yea i know d class play and open house is irrelevant..
but i just wanna put it there..
makes it look more stressful

i found out what you are.

that whole bullshit talk was just to us a reason to be a fake wasn't it?
I'm sorry I'm not good in faking.
i tried to fake it but i can't. i refuse to fake.
you can act well but i have no interest in acting with you.

not even one small bit of that whole waste-of-time-talk was sincere.
you said this argument is between us and lets not drag anyone else in?
then whats with all those messages you are sending to people to tell me this and tell me that?
why don't you steal some balls and send it to me straight?
if you already know that i couldn't care less,
then sending a message to me through a middle person will not make a difference.

you have nothing to hide?

you want me to trust you?
prove that you're worth trusting in the first place.

you want trust and honesty, that's all?
let me tell you something.
the world does not live to please you.
if you do not get what you want, then too bad.
live with it.

you are asking me to be more straightforward?
why don't you try that yourself?
this straightforward thing is just an excuse for you to fight back.
I'm sorry if you don't understand metaphors.

and whats with you trying to insist a lie right in front of my face when i know the truth.
its dumb.
i just got so tired of arguing that i just kept my mouth shut since you were all so i-want-to-have-the-last-say.

and sorry if you were fierce? you were not were the one crying.. -_-

you made my anger level shoot up every time you say my name.
it made me feel as if i was degraded. -_-
in case u didn't notice, i didn't even say your name once.

and please stop pretending like you care.
i can see right through it.

yea it was good times that we had last time.
but that was last time.
that was when every single person's mask was still on.
everyone was a nice person.
everyone was an angel.
till each mask started to slowly dissolve.
then the true devil comes out.

i found out what you are.
you are a typical drama queen.
you want sympathy from everyone.
even though you should know well enough that you do not deserve it.

i guess it is pretty easy to make people hate me.
but it's not easy to make me hate people.
you must have had quite some experience.

you are probably gonna tell everyone that i don't have balls
that's why i have to badmouth you on my blog.
maybe you're right.
but maybe it's just because i don't want to talk to you.

gosh i need a break.
you're making me sick.
if you want to live in your own world,
then go ahead.
just don't drag me in
for i live in reality.

yes i am that bitter right now.
i do not promote my blog
so you had every right to leave this page
but you chose to read it all the way till here
so don't you dare come pointing fingers at me announcing to the planet that i badmouth you to the world.
my blog is not meant for everyone's reading.
you choose to read at your own risk.
this blog is for me to rant.
and i do not give a damn shit about the world.
my superior is probably one of the gold members of bitch club.

is it true ?

hey guys..
i have a question..
just out of curiosity..
was out yumcha-ing with a male [identity shall not be revealed just in] and kar yan the other night..
and as usual..we were chatting like the world's gonna end tomorrow
we suddenly came to this topic..
and this male made a statement..
" when a guy gets close to a girl, like talk to her everyday..sure got feeling'll start to wonder what is she doing, miss her and care a lot about her..but it's not that special kind of feeling..its just care.."
or sth like that la..
but..when a guy only cares..
the girl probably fell head over heels of him already..
so... is it true ? =(

on the way home, ky said : that's why guys and girls can hardly be best friends..=/
then we both sorta silently emo..-_-
bet that male never thought that his statement would even affect us..but it
when we were young..haha
cynthia tan is back !!
but kar yan n i should be a lil too busy with college finals and assignments to layan her..
but oh well..
she can always watch us do our assignments..
better still..
bwahahahahahahahahahahaha =)
i have selective memory disorder.
but of all things to choose from,
i chose to remember the memories you and i made together.

i'm bored
yet i refuse to complete my article
my procrastination is taking over me
die la
cannot like that lehh
finals coming !

ever wondered why i rarely post pictures up ?
even if i do, there's no more than... one pic ? haha
i dont know how to arrange them all nice nice laaaa ! -_____-
fail la...cannot make it..

i see so many people signing in
but none of them was him
i feel so...weird =/
i know its not gonna happen man..
what the hell am i doing la..

i asked my mum the other day,
me: do you think something can still happen for mr handsome n i ?
mum: CAN CANNN..why not..but i know..but if you really want it, IF something happens then be serious la..dont play handsome is a good fella..

and my mum only caught a glimpse of him once like...a long time

the next day,
me: i think i wanna forget mr handsome la..
mum: good la..concentrate on studies la..all these love love things next time la..
me: o.O

oh well..words are meaningless unless you put some action to it..[im bad with phrases i know]
you see..till now im still thinking of mr handsome.. =(
aiyer..sien la

wang lee hom sangat handsome !
and he just came online !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yay ?

thanks for trying to cheer this faggot up..
seriously appreciated it.
why la you all dont believe that i updated my blog . . . .
looking at our one and only pic
walking down memory lane
how did we end up like this

is it my comp or does illustrator just suck big time
i think its my comp
visual comm assignment due tomorrow
barely started
and here i am
reviving my dead blog
of all times..
i hate illustrator
stop lagging dammit


almost lover

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do


i miss you when i dont see you
when i see you, a million things run through my mind
as much as i want to talk to you,
i get so nervous i keep forgetting what i want to say to you.
its funny how life works sometimes dont you think so?

" she drew a heart on the frosted window,
with his name written in the middle. "

-stolen from mandy's yea..not much of my own creativity.. -_-

oh well...finally after one month and 12 updating my blog ! yayyy..i dont think anyone reads it anymore though.. =(
anyways..hows life treating me so far? things are a whole lot better now. im emo-ing less.haha life goes on whether you like it or not. if you picked it up willingly, then you must be able to put it down when its time to let it go. june came back and left in 4 days time..came back again n left AGAIN in 3 days time..thats her definition of she'll be back for a week. its a brokened up week ! -_-"
im too lazy to continue typing. haha

btw, something corporate rules big time =)
i cant believe shen made me love it so much..

i love you ppl ! =)
im gonna post an entry on my thankfulness soon.
i owe some ppl BIG time and HUGE thanks.hehe


theres been a real crazy craze lately about this song : fergie - big girls dont cry..

honestly speaking, when this whole craze started..and before i listened to the song..i was nice can a song by fergie get ???! after finding out that even jian blogged about this song, it hit me..i must check this song out. and probably tell everyone theres nothing significant about this song. but then...

ooops... ?

guess i was wrong..this song is fucking awesome. and i cant stop listening to it now. =)

The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

oh btw..just a quick random question to sashi.. are you reading my blog ???????? haha

i love hugs. but only if they are from you.

happie birthday jordan =)

okay updating lyn ! which reminds has been a billion years since i met you. when on earth will i get to belanja you your icecream ??? see..i still remember kay ! =)

anyway, last thursday which is the 28th of june 2007, i went ou with melody yong poh ying to get something for someone. the dumbest thing was..i didnt have enough money and mel didnt bring any money. gosh..we were two broken souls wandering in ou la. i managed to get one of the presents la. but didnt have enough for other one..[ went back home to get money and went to ou again to get it..but the shop was already closed.. =( ] we both had to dig our wallets and bags for every single cents we have left and we came up to a total sum of...rm 6.68 ! which i used to buy a paper bag in the end.. -_-

bumped into jian, lay ai n umm..someone..i forgot who..sorry !! lay ai said something to me that made me stoned for a while..she asked me to update my blog !! SHE READS MY BLOG ? hahahaha hi lay ai ! =) and to jian, u didnt seem excited to see me..heck. u didnt even look happie..haihhhhh.. =( and do u remember i used to ask what if i dont ever meet you again for the rest of my life ? pretend la at least that you're happie to see me next time.hahaha

im trying to grow up.
trying to look at things from a different perspective.
all these just to say that im willing to change..
but the question is..
are you still here with me..?
or are you giving me away to someone else?
sorry for being childish.
but i have to say..
im gonna miss you
like a child misses her blanket..


current location: starbucks uptown. ><
time: 12.00pm

i just realised that it has been exactly one month since i last updated my blog
oh well..
plenty of stuff has happened since the last post..
a) im NO LONGER emo ! *cheers*
b) i have a lecturer named strepsils.
c) im...happie :) hehehehehehe
d) i got my ice cream cake ! special thanx to jasmine :) are no longer needed..HAHAHA
e) love ? =D
f) etc..

i have no mood to write now la seriously..dont have INSPIRATION..! hahaha
so yea..i'll be back...maybe in a month's time :)

*ding* ei..i suddenly got inspiration already ! but i do not have the relevant information..haha so yeaaa...*runs away* i feel like eatin kfc..AGAIN..><

i cant sleep.

random talk : i feel like eating icecream cake now. i think only 2 fellas on earth knows the secret about me and icecream cake.. oh's like this. jeff ! i want ice cream cake.. chances of you reading this : 0% !!

im starting to view my glass as EMPTY..but with ice..><

i have a presentation tomorrow..or to be exact, in 9 hours time. and..i've not done anything bout it yet. i have NO idea what am i gonna talk about and all..die die die..


and..i cannot talk in class tomorrow except during presentation ! ooooosh !! ><

5th of may 2007

the date : 5th of May 2007
the occasion : my 19th brother's birthday which i just remembered and have not wished him yet. ><

oh well..i have not seen him yet since last night anyway.

anyway, yup i've started college already. made some cool frens with absolutely pretty much 100% freedom. i feel so out of place sometimes..for still having a curfew and all. imagine going clubbing and coming back at 12. that sux man. >< i am bloody hell trying to upload some pics here but i cant for some reason la. heck..i'll do it next time..when i have more patience.

i hate drinking and then getting so awfully emo after that.
im getting kinda tired of being emo over the same person everytime.
but i cant help it.. ><
go ahead..scold me..=/

went clubbing with jas, mich, joe, hot mama and her husband last night.
i hate a curfew..effff..
jas came to pick me up at bout 8.30..
had to leave the hse early..
she met my parents ! haha
went to pick up joe and mich after that..
then off we went to our destination..
on the way there, i had the urge to talk to him again..
so i sent him a msg..
and..crossed my fingers literally that he will reply..?
but oh well..forgot that i msged him after a while..
he didnt reply btw.. =(
got there, got in for free, got drinks for free..
haha..basically everything was free for us la that night..
thanx to jas =)
for some reason, once we entered,
jas disappeared into the thin air..
so mich, joe and i had to entertain ourselves..
camwhore giler..but 70% of d pics werent nice..
and i blame the overly blinding flash ! blehhhh
hot mama and her husband came after a while..
everyone was looking hot that night..
except for me..
heck..even the bouncer looked hotter than
i was dressed so decently..heck i was wearing slippers !
no makeup, no earrings..even joe had an earring ! ><
so yup, camwhore again..hehe
and drink drink drink..
there was some 'pole dancing' performance that night..
but yea..not interested.. ><
before that, there was a band playing..we noticed that the guitarist was looking kinda umm...fierce / serious while the other members were moving around..
oh well, maybe she just got dumped by her bf or something. =/
guess what time i had to go home ?
before 12..i knowwwwwwwwww...
go ahead..say swtttttt... ><
jas kept her promise and sent me home..
but joe was driving..
damn..i think i was feeling damn emo in the car..


waicheen wished she's feeling like this :
i hate thinking about you cuz i know you're not thinking about me.
i hate the fact that i gave so much just to keep you with me but you still left.
i hate getting emo about you everytime i drink.
i hate the way you used me to get what you want.
i hate you for making me fall for you.
i hate you for bumping into me on the 2nd of june 2005.
but i know i'll get over you.
cuz you're not worth my tears.
and i probably gave you an ocean of it.
fuck you.
may you rot in hell.
thats how much i hate you now.
get out of my life before i stab you with a knife.
turn off the lights, i dont want to see your face.
i dont want to be anywhere near you.
being with you is worse than being in hell.
your face makes me sick.
counting the minutes till i get out of this misery.
Lose Your Mask.

she's feeling like this :

roses are red,
violets are blue,
the angels in heaven,
knows i love you.
how is it possible to hate someone yet love them so much..
he has his expectations,
and i didnt meet it,
but, i still love him.
Love You Massively.

random :
childish i may be, but im just heartbroken.
you can have these memories, i dont need them.
you took my heart and broke it hard.

trust me, this will be the last time im blogging about you.
after this post,
im gonna kick you out of my life,
stand up tall
learn to love again
but with someone else.
even the ikan bilis in the sungai is worth more than you.

b o o

i've not update my blog for more than a week.

i'll update later. xD

a special tribute to ong yi lyn

u rock !!
hehe..thanx for putting up the box thing for me..
let the heroes speak up will always be better than yilyn rawkz !
hahaha luv ya lots babE ! :)

yay ! starting college tomorrow...:(

i dont feel like blogging today

i really dont feel like blogging today.
im just posting this up just so you know that im still alive.
excuse the ugly and huge black font.
i cant think of anything else to say
other than,
i am freaking tired..
fuck college..
i dont feel like going anymore..
and i havent even started it..

sorry..feeling really really grumpy today.

do you love me ? :)

omg..look !! its my blog's first ever uploaded pic ! :) :)

if you all love me..
can you please hack my blog ?
i'll give you the password ! :)
but then along the way..
can you pleaseeeeeeeeeee be a kind soul..
and insert a freaking chatbox for me !!!!!!!! ><
i feel pressured by jian's comment..
i know im dumb..
dont rub it in..
love you ppl ! :)
just joking..

p/s: shit..i think im starting to type like june..pressing enter instead of space for every sentence..sorry june !

screw the world.
life sux.
i fell down the stairs yesterday.
and my parents didnt know.
college is gonna start soon.
and im starting to feel the pressure. ><
i accidentally cut the sole of my foot.
and i have no idea how did that happened.
cuts keep appearing out of a sudden.
i keep getting papercuts.
i dont understand how i can fall when im crossing the road.
landing on my ass in the middle of the road with a vehicle coming.
i think someones trying to kill me. lol

Friday the 13th

its friday the 13th today..
no wait..
it was yesterday..
i got it !!! :)
got what ?
not telling ! :b
gonna start studying on the 23rd..
gonna miss collecting dust.. :(

i just found out i bombed my hp bill..
my parents doesnt know bout it yet..
so, to all you non 012 users..
im not gonna reply your msg anymore..
at least not this month..
i can forsee the future where my mum will pass me the hp bill..
im will be taking out cash from my SECRET HIDING PLACE to pay for the bill..

aint a really nice day today..
got up got down la..=/
got a msg from someone.. [ the one and only down part..i guess...>< ]
thats all im saying..hehe
nites !

public apology

im sorry if i offended anyone in my previous entries.
as far as i names was mention other than sashi's.
hahaha sashi im promoting you ! :)
but too bad, you are officially not available anymore. :)

emoness is surrounding me [ entry 04 final entry hopefully ]

11:20 AM 4/12/2007

bumped into him again on spm results night at kayu with sashi..
acted cool..tried not to look at him..
weeks later, he sent me a msg...
cant exactly explain how i felt that time..
i think i was.....happy ? ><

so yea..i replied him..
and things went well...
talked more often..
got closer...
went out last week...
started well..
ended well...
but the effects of it was definitely not well...
he told me he got back together with his gf DURING CNY...
and they broke up again early march...
it hit me.. during cny ??
thats when he told me he didnt want the damn deal..
so thats why he didnt want it anymore...
cuz his ex gf came back...
so what the hell am i to him ?
some temp gf while waitin for his ex gf to come back to him again...?!
it was seriously wtf but i acted cool the whole night...
the dumb thing was i sent him a msg the next morning scolding him bout it...
the moment i sent it was the moment i regretted sending it...
obviously he didnt reply the msg...
i felt awfully guilty..
asked someone for his opinion..
that someone said, if i had acted cool for the night..
i should have acted cool all the way...
but he could have at least be a lil more sensitive to notice that what he said wasnt easy on the ears...
damn...i still feel as if its all my fault...
so duh i kept apologising to him...
finally we made up on monday...
so i thought...
no more sleepless nights and im happie again...
everyone could notice that i was happier..
even my mum asked me why i was so happie that day..
but that effing happiness didnt even last for a day...
he told me he had to work and asked me to msg him after 10...
considering that my phone battery was low already..
i charged it and left it upstairs thinking that i will come back up after 10 and msg him..
went to get my phone at 10.40 plus plus..
and saw a msg from him..
sent at 8.16pm...
told me his meeting was over...but his ex gf asked him to go out with her...
so i msged and asked if he's out with her now...
no reply...
msged again...
still no reply...
i stoned...
just stoned for a while then it started to hit me...
he's going back to his ex...
he's leaving me again...
tears started to flow..
called up a buddy..
and thank god she was there for me..
it still breaks my heart when i think of it now...
i was wishing for a call or at least a msg from him..
telling me anything..anything at all..
but nope..
phone was bloody unusually silent for the whole night..
and the whole of next day...
was too angry to msg him like i usually do...
after all..i was thinkin..he has his ex gf with him again..
why on earth would he even bother to reply me..
a msg from him came that night...
so i asked him if he went out with her that night..
at least he was honest with me..
he said ya..they just went for a drink...
how am i supppose to trust him when he didnt even bother to reply my msges...
he told me he didnt receive them...effed up maxis..
i replied him with an okay...
wanting to continue with 'i miss u' in the next msg..
but i wasnt fast enough...
before i could send it..
he told me nvmla...he had enough d...bye...
wtf.. had enough of what ?!
there he goes again..
leaving me clueless here thinking of what the hell did i do wrong...
maybe my 'okay' sounded angry / upset / cold ?
so fine..i said sorry..n tried to pujuk him n all...
no reply from him..
i tried to call several times..
didnt pick up..
so i sent a really long msg..
called another time...
no reply..didnt picked up..
i got angry..then i off my phone and went to bed..
tried msging him again the next day...
still no reply...
by evening..i gave up trying...
one week ago, we were making out in the car..
the next week, we're not even talkng to each other..
all his ex needs to do was to ask him out for a drink to break us up and get him back...

i really dont get it..
why is he so angry ??
we just made up on monday..
and because of his ex..
he's angry of me again the next day ???
if he is back together with his ex gf..
can he at least have the decency to tell me that ?
the best he could do is just reply one of my damn msges and tell me that its over...
but he didnt even do that...
he just have to leave me hanging here not knowing if there's still hope or is it officially over...
giving me sleepless nights and endless supply of eye washing..
makes me wonder..
how long am i gonna take this time to get over him...
why must he always show up everytime i was so close to getting over him...
why must he always show up..make me fall for him again and then leave me for his ex..
hey you..
you know who you are..
as much as i love you..
i still have to tell you..
if you are reading this..
please..let me beg you if i have to...
if you wanna leave, then leave...
dont tell me anything..
i dont wanna know anything..
just dont come back..
play me like a fool..
and break my fucked up heart again.. :(

p/s: made up = berbaik / on good terms again / okay again.. NOT HAVE SEX .><